RELATIONSHIPS ARE LIKE THE CARNIVAL

Memories can haunt us....sometimes forever. I have been on my own now since 1998. I divorced in 2000 after almost 20 years of marriage. I went through hell. The ex had the symptoms of bi-polar. I walked on eggs for much of my adult life back then just trying to make an almost impossible situation work. I also at the time did not have the tools to make the situation better. I did not fully understand the difference between women and men. One was logical, the other emotional. There needs to be understanding on both parts.

One of my issues right way was that I did not realize that it indeed was going to take time to heal from all the hurts, pain, rejection and all that goes into a failed relationship of almost 20 years. They say there is like 4-5 steps in healing. perhaps that is true. I know it  took me almost 4 years to fully feel like I was ok. Yeah I dated some here and there. But until I healed I was never really a whole person. You are needy if you arent whole. The worst feeling is thinking of being rejected again. You do not look at things as a confident person. In some instances what you see in others such as forms of manipulation can be found in some of the own things that you may do yourself.

I have watched many people over the years speak out or preach against things and sooner or later what they spoke out against bit them in the butt. Many women I have listened to, speak badly about some guy and if the chance ever came, I often would see them with that man. At first I would scratch my head and think...what? But then it later makes sense because in the emotional realm you can toss logic out the window first thing. The emotional and physical dynamics of things often go without understanding.
One thing I have learned is that I only want to be with someone that wants to be with me as bad as I want to be with them. I am not offended anymore if someone says, thanks but no thanks. I think I am a good guy, but I am not perfect. I know I have my own little quirks. Thats fine. The ones you need to watch out for are the ones that think they have no issues or quirks. "Big Smile"...we all have them. However, there is a difference between a quirk and a person who has not healed.

We can bandage things, but until the healing has happened, it is not functioning peroperly. As an example, I watched my parents die from cancer. Totally waste away. It took me many years to really mourn and be able to remember the good times that we had. All I could do was remember the pain. I look back now and i believe it was basically just me not willing to face the reality and the pain that it placed upon me at a young adult life. I will always remember them, but at  this point I remember them for the good things and not the bad. The bad did not define what actually was.
If you do not have healing, you will be always be doubting people. You will always be looking more at what you think in your mind could go wrong or what could be going on than what is actually happening.We have all our bouts with paranoia over things. Its one thing to get a check in your spirit about something or some one, which is good. It is another to be always expecting the bad out of someone. If that is indeed the case, then it is important in my opinion to take a long look inside and see just what that is all about. That is something that has to be dealt with. Otherwise nothing ever changes. Every relationship you even attempt will be doomed from the get go.

Trust is everything. Being a lifepartner is like throwing yourself in the ocean with the firm belief that your partner has a life saver to throw you, or will jump in with you. Either way, without real trust and a willingness to be more for the other than you expect them to be for you. None of this can happen if you feel like life is out to get you, that someone is always tugging at you, and that  they just do not understand.There is no real peace in this. I have found in my life, when I looked at things this way, I was making everything all about me. In the bible it speaks of allowing God's spirit to live through us. Us getting out of the way. In life, I think if we do come to a place chosen, to just walk in love, the emphasis is not about what people may be saying or doing, but about what we, ourselves do.

A healthy Heart stands on its own. The foundation it is set on is like a rock. It will with stand the storms and trials of life. It has taken the time to heal. It will just know when it matches with another heart that is also set on a rock. A heart that is also healed. These hearts will look at each other and decide if it is a match. If the good is much more than the things that may not be favorable. No match is perfect. But when you have two whole hearts that are forth right, they can become one someday if they choose.

We can either be real, be honest or just keep on flailing in the wind. God can help us heal. It is a process. It takes time, however it is worth it. Without it there is no fullness in a relationship. It is just an ongoing thing of loving in this area and in that one, while always questioning in others. You can heal. You have to be willing. It takes faith in God and a choice to take the time that you need. Each person that you meet is different. The dynamics that exist is one in the world because no one is exactly like you. No one is exactly like them.