Christian Divorce Facts For A Bad Marriage

The christian divorce facts for a bad marriage are: God is for divorce when needed, remarriage is right, a bad or wrong marriage is good to get out of, and God supports you even though His church may not! 




 Doing the Right Thing Too Long
I know we have covered a lot of ground, but let me share some final things with you in closing. God’s desire and mine is that every husband and wife enjoys each other to the fullest. Marriages are very special before the Lord, but the people in the marriages are even more special.
There are some couples who are enjoying their marriage. There are also many couples who find their marriage like an anchor around their neck pulling them under water for the third time. A proper marriage is very wonderful and very beautiful; however, it is possible to stay married and be doing the “right thing” too long. The story of God testing Abraham to sacrifice his only son Isaac is a good example of this:
The Lord told Abraham to “...Take ...your only son Isaac, whom you love and go ...and offer him there as a burnt offering...” (Genesis 22:2). So Abraham listened to God and tied up Isaac and placed him upon an alter that he made. “And Abraham stretched out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. But the Angel of the Lord called to him from heaven and said, ‘Abraham, Abraham ...DO NOT LAY YOUR HAND ON THE LAD, OR DO ANYTHING TO HIM; for now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me’” (Genesis 22:10-12).
What if Abraham missed the Lord’s voice telling him to STOP THE SACRIFICE? What if Abraham had kept doing the last thing he was supposed to do? Isaac would have been dead! If we miss the Word of God or the voice of God and continue in a marriage longer than we’re supposed to, we too, can become a sacrifice that was not intended. God does not want us to be a “sacrificial victim” for the “sake of the marriage.” Just as God told Abraham to stop the sacrifice of his son, so God speaks to us who are in dead marriages to stop being a sacrificial victim for the sake of the marriage institution. Jesus Himself said to those who esteemed the institution to be greater than those who make up the institution, “...IF ONLY YOU HAD KNOWN WHAT THIS SAYING MEANS, I desire [to have] mercy ...RATHER THAN ...[to have] sacrificial victims, YOU WOULD NOT HAVE CONDEMNED THE GUILTLESS” (Matthew 12:7 AMP).
Many good books have been written that deal with how to promote and build strong marriages. Thank God for them; we need them. However, there are very few books that deal with the “need to divorce.” We must not view the divorce of a bad marriage as an end of something good, because it is not. If the marriage were good, there wouldn’t be any divorce. It’s the end of something that went bad, and the BEGINNING of something new.




http://www.divorcehope.com/christiandivorcefacts.htm

Biblical Divorce & Biblical Remarriage

In MOST cases, divorce and remarriage is NOT sin at all, and never was! A biblical divorce is not sin. A biblical remarriage is not sin. This is because divorce and remarriage are not sin in themselves — nor have they ever been! . 

Sanctified (Holy) Spouse Doing Unholy Things?
Whether a Christian marriage is equally yoked or unequally yoked, God's command to us is always the same; “...MAN OF GOD ...PURSUE RIGHTEOUSNESS, GODLINESS, faith, love, patience, gentleness” (1Timothy 6:11). As we do this, “...the unbelieving husband is SANCTIFIED by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is SANCTIFIED by the husband; otherwise, your children would be unclean, but now THEY ARE HOLY” (1Corinthians 7:14).
To be “sanctified” simply means that there is a process of cleaning up going on in a person’s life by God that causes them to be separated from that which is not like Himself and being made into that which is like Himself. (Actually, the words sanctified, separated, holy and hallowed that are used in the Bible are basically the same Greek word. They mean the same thing.) Because the “unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife,” the wife must be sanctified herself and because the “unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband,” would mean the husband must be sanctified himself. And if the “children would be unclean [unholy], but now they are holy,” a mother or father MUST be serving God. Between the husband and wife, one being a Christian and the other a non-Christian, someone must give their whole life to God for Him to make the rest of the family holy. I have heard it said all too often that when a husband lives ungodly and the wife wants to live godly, that the wife must stay with her spouse and do whatever he tells her to do no matter what it is because he is the head even to the point of not serving God. How ridiculous! The wife is seeking for a way out of a bad situation, but is only sentenced back to her prison by “holy men of God.” They want to serve God with all their heart, only to find out they must bear the heavy yoke again. Many times this situation ends in tragedy and the so-called “glory” is given to God. Then the spouse who wants to live godly ends up as a “slave of man” instead of a “slave of righteousness.”


Slaves Of Men Or Slaves Of Righteousness?
“But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister IS NOT UNDER BONDAGE IN SUCH CASES. But God has called us to peace” (1Corinthians 7:15).
Notice the word “bondage” in verse 15. The word in the Greek text is “douloo,” which is the same word for “slave,” or “to be enslaved.” Most clearly, when one is in bondage, they are a slave to whomever or whatever has them bound. Let’s read verse 15 from the Wuest translation: ”But assuming that the unbelieving husband departs, let him be departing. A [CHRISTIAN] BROTHER OR [CHRISTIAN] SISTER IS NOT IN THE POSITION OF A SLAVE, NAMELY, BOUND TO THE UNBELIEVING HUSBAND OR UNBELIEVING WIFE IN AN INDISSOLUABLE UNION IN CASES SUCH AS THESE; but God has called us [to live] in peace” (1Corinthians 7:15 WUEST).
Notice the “peace” in this case, comes from a separation, not a union. “...God has called us [to live] in peace” (1Corinthians 7:15b). A home that has become a war zone because of two opposing hearts that have been tied together is not peaceful. Being at peace is having the same heart. Again, the Scripture says that a Christian brother or sister “is not in the position of a slave” and goes on to say that they ARE NOT “bound to the unbelieving husband or unbelieving wife in an indissoluble union in cases such as these.” Which means, if we stayed in a situation such as this, we would actually become a slave. And if we become a slave, then someone would have to be the master! You can’t be a slave without having a master over you. And you can’t be in bondage, without someone or something binding you. THE SLAVE ALWAYS PORTRAYS THE MASTER’S DESIRE.
If a godly spouse continues to live with an ungodly spouse, the godly spouse will most likely eventually portray ungodliness, which is also reflected by them not growing in God. This is why Jesus bought us with a price, “...so you DO NOT become slaves of men ...[but] slaves of righteousness” (Romans 6:18, 1Corinthians 7:23).
The book of James says, “Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? Thus, NO SPRING YIELDS BOTH SALT WATER AND FRESH” (James 3:11,12b). This is a Bible principle. When sin (salt water), is mixed with holiness (fresh water), that which was holy becomes corrupted and sinful. Thus, no spring yields BOTH salt water and fresh. When polluted water is mixed with clean water, the clean ALWAYS becomes polluted.
The “slave” living under the “master” and the “fresh water” being mixed with the “salt water” is the godly spouse being polluted by the ways and actions of the ungodly spouse. The godly spouse will become a slave and polluted. Good apples in a bushel do not make the rotten apples better. The good become rotten. God is always saying, “come out of her my people, lest YOU share in her sins, and lest YOU receive of her plagues” (Revelation 18:4). “DO NOT BE DECEIVED: “EVIL COMPANY CORRUPTS GOOD HABITS. AWAKE TO RIGHTEOUSNESS, AND DO NOT SIN; FOR SOME DO NOT HAVE THE KNOWLEDGE OF GOD” (1Corinthians 15:33,34). 

http://www.divorcehope.com/biblicaldivorceandremarriage.htm 

Can Divorced Christians Remarry

Can Divorced Christians Remarry? Absolutely!

Can divorced christians remarry? Yes, of course! Forbidding someone to remarry after they're divorced is bad doctrine. Marriage after being divorced is our heavenly Father's heart! (Take notice of a wrong translation of only one single word (apoluo) that puts a divorced person in bondage.) 

 Divorce and Remarriage
“Now the Spirit [of God] expressly says that in latter times [the days we live in now] some will DEPART FROM THE FAITH, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, speaking lies ...FORBIDDING TO MARRY…” (1Timothy 4:1,3).
“Forbidding [someone] to marry” after they have been divorced is a doctrine of the devil. The Bible is not saying that these people who hold to this belief are not true Christians, but that they teach out of ignorance — they don't understand God's heart in the Scriptures. Understanding God's heart only comes from the Holy Spirit revealing Him to us. Whenever we do not understand God's heart in the Scriptures, we have departed from sound doctrine.
This Scripture could not be talking about forbidding to marry in general. Nobody would listen to such nonsense preached. The desire that God put in man to have a companion and sexual partner is too great, especially if they were married before. In order that we don’t fall into “...sexual immorality, let EACH MAN have his own wife, and let EACH WOMAN have her own husband” (1Corinthians 7:2). “[For] IT IS NOT GOOD THAT MAN SHOULD BE ALONE…” (Genesis 2:18a).
The erroneous doctrine of forbidding one to marry after a divorce has been preached and taught in many churches. It has violated the conscience and hearts of those who’ve been divorced, driving them into a constant state of confusion and negatively impacting their lives. The only way for these people to come out of that confused state is to leave the church, and many have done just that. Not only do they leave the church to remarry, they also need to be able to make the right decision to divorce when it’s necessary in order to save themselves and their families before all is destroyed.
In order to understand that there IS marriage after divorce, we will examine the Scriptures in Matthew 19:3-12 focusing on the usage of the Greek word, apoluo. The Greek word apoluo that’s translated “divorce” or “to put away” is a general word. Its primary usage is: to “send” (apoluo) someone home when it’s getting late.11 When two people are leaving each other there is a “separation.” Apoluo is a separation in general, which does not involve the “legal” aspect of a permanent separation like a divorce. The common usage is seen in the Scripture “When it was evening, His disciples came to Him, saying ‘This is a deserted place, and the hour is already late. SEND (apoluo) the multitudes away, that they may go unto the villages and buy themselves food’” (Matthew 14:15). The Greek word apoluo doesn’t have a legal aspect to it. It’s just a common word that means, “I’m going to go” or, “away from, to separate.” Because of our wrong beliefs about divorce, this key word was purposely translated (incorrectly) so it would not conflict with our beliefs.
When used concerning a marriage it means a separation and NOT a divorce. If a spouse separates intending never to return, then the next step comes into play; the spouse obtains a “certificate of divorce.” This is what the confrontation between Jesus and the Pharisees (the religious lawyers of His day) was about in Matthew 19:3-12. The legal question was, “Do you just separate, OR do you separate AND give a certificate of divorce?” The Greek word used for divorce in these Scriptures means, to “send away” or separate from, NOT a finalized legal divorce.
The lawyers of God’s law tested Jesus. Their motive was to justify when they only separated from their wives and remarried without ever getting a divorce. They asked Him if God accepts a separation to get remarried without a divorce certificate for just any reason. Jesus responded that when a male and female come together in a marriage union, “...they are no longer two BUT ONE…” (Matthew 19:6a). Because the couple is still united, He doesn’t want “man” (the marriage partners) to just separate from each other and get remarried without a divorce. A SEPARATION ALONE DOES NOT BREAK THE MARRIAGE UNION. IT TAKES A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE, ALSO. So the question was NOT, “Can a spouse DIVORCE their mate for any reason,” but “Can a spouse get a SEPARATION from their mate for any reason and then remarry while just separated.”
When a husband just leaves his wife for another woman without ever giving her a certificate of divorce, this keeps the wife in limbo. She could not go back to her husband because he doesn’t want her; and she couldn’t “go and become another man’s wife” as Moses commanded because she is not legally divorced (See Deuteronomy 24:1-2). If she did remarry without a legal divorce, she and the man who married her would be committing adultery. This is why Jesus said, “...whoever separates (apoluo) from his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is [just] separated (apoluo) commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9 My Translation).
Because the Pharisees’ hearts were so hard “They said to Him [Jesus], ‘WHY then did Moses COMMAND to give a certificate of divorce AND to put her away [separate]?’” (Matthew 19:7). They agreed with the part of the law that said that you could leave your wife, but they didn’t understand that it was not right to keep their wives from getting remarried. A spouse with a hardened heart will not give the other spouse a divorce. They will want to control the person. A person who truly loves unconditionally will always give you a way out: an option not to love.
So it is with God; He always gives us the choice to not love Him. As we choose to love Him, it’s true love. At times the reason a marriage isn’t a truly unconditional loving marriage is because the partners feel that there is never a way out, if needed. If the marriage partners knew that there was a godly way to escape from a failing marriage it would give the couple the freedom to “choose to love,” even when it’s not convenient.
Jesus said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, PERMITTED you to divorce [separate from] your wives, but from the beginning IT [being separated without a divorce] WAS NOT SO” (Matthew 19:8). Notice in verse seven that Moses COMMANDED them to give a certificate of divorce AND to separate (put away) their wives. But in verse eight, because their hearts were so hardened against their spouse, Moses PERMITTED them to just separate without the husband giving the wife a certificate of divorce. The reason Moses commanded that a certificate of divorce be given was to guarantee that the wife could get remarried. Simply, Moses commanded to give a certificate of divorce AND to separate. But because of the hardness of their hearts, Moses permitted them to separate only. The permission to separate and remarry without a divorce was limited to sexual immorality. If the wife was unfaithful, the husband could leave without ever being “officially divorced” — by giving her a certificate of divorcement, and go take another woman as his wife. But if there was no sexual immorality involved, the husband could NOT separate from his wife without getting a divorce first. If he didn’t get a divorce and went to live with another woman or got remarried, they were committing adultery.
“Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed [for selfish reasons]. Are you loosed [divorced] from a wife? [In my opinion says Paul, the Apostle] do not seek a wife. BUT EVEN IF YOU DO MARRY, YOU HAVE NOT SINNED; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned” (1Corinthians 7:26-28a). Notice that the “virgin” AND the person “loosed [divorced]” are both put in the same category — they have “not sinned” by getting married. BOTH THE PERSON WHO WAS NEVER MARRIED AND THE PERSON WHO WAS DIVORCED ARE WITHOUT SIN IF THEY MARRY.
Deuteronomy 24:1-4 tells of a situation where a man married a woman and then divorced her. This woman then married another man. The Scriptures go on to state that if the second marriage ends by her husband writing “...her a certificate of divorce ...OR if the latter husband dies…” (Deuteronomy 24:3,4), she could not remarry the first man she divorced because she had already married someone else. Therefore, if our spouse dies, or if we were divorced, we can get married again. Divorce and death are equal before God. The only stipulation in this Scripture is that if this is the second marriage, we cannot go back to the first spouse and remarry them because we married someone else after we divorced them.

The Hebrew word: shalach is the equivalent of the Greek word: apoluo. 


http://www.divorcehope.com/canchristiansremarryafterdivorce.htm

Abuse In Marriage, Divorce Grounds.

Having divorce grounds because of marriage abuse is a serious matter! When there is abuse going on in a relationship, it's time to separate. Divorcing is definitely grounds if needed. 









 Abuse
Abuse in its different manifestations is the most destructive tool that can be used by anyone against another person. It is designed to distort a person’s view of reality and of God, thus keeping that person from having a fruitful life. When there is abuse going on in a relationship, it’s time to separate. It doesn’t matter how holy or good the person seems who is doing the violating.
There are different types of abuse and they are all designed for one thing and one thing only, DESTRUCTION! I believe all types of abuse can be put into one of these categories:
Physical Abuse: which is body torture that is used to subdue and control another person.
Sexual Abuse: torturing both a person physically and emotionally using unlawful sex acts as the weapon, i.e. prostitution, adultery, incest, homosexuality, rape, marriage rape, anything immoral or illegal sexually.
Verbal Abuse: designed to distort the truth a person holds about something or someone, including themselves in order to gain control over someone’s mind.
Spiritual (religious) Abuse: used to manipulate another person to serve any other god than Jesus while many times exalting the abuser. At its worse, it’s satanic ritual abuse, which many times include all the other categories of abuse.
Most sadly, all these types of abuses deeply scar the emotions of a person and usually greatly alters their perception and their ability to live life to its fullest. But there is hope. His name is Jesus. He has come to heal the broken-hearted.
If you have been abused and are hurt deeply inside, there is hope, healing, and full restoration. If you will yield your heart to the Holy Spirit sent from God to be our helper, He will lead you through every traumatic situation that you have been through into wholeness. The process is painful. However, on the other side of each “door of pain” is a place of joy, peace and rest.
The Holy Spirit works through the Word of God (the Bible). Which means, you must diligently give yourself to study of the Bible daily, surround yourself with godly people, turn your ears and eyes away from the secular media including TV, radio, movies, books and the like, and turn all of your heart over to Jesus, He will tenderly minister life to you instead of death. Share the pain of your heart with Him while searching the Scriptures for the answers. As you’re doing that, turn your eyes and ears to godly Christian books, tapes, videos, TV, radio stations and music that God can use to administer healing to your heart. (You heard it said, “Eat the hay and leave the sticks?” There is a lot of christian stuff out there that has a lot of ‘sticks’. Pick through them until you find a good hay mound.”) As you do these things you will gradually and continually become a whole, hurt-free, peaceful and joyful person. You will even start to like yourself. And how good that will feel!
For another article, click on Verbal Abuse, Marriage And Relationship.

 

http://www.divorcehope.com/abuseinmarriage.htm

Married For the Wrong Reasons? The Right For A Christian To Divorce And Remarry.

A person can actually get married for the wrong reasons---even christians. To absolutely stay single after a divorce or in a wrong marriage is not God's heart nor Scriptural. (However, we do recognize that most marriage failures are due to selfishness or ignorance on the part of one or both of the spouses.) Because the original meaning of the Scriptures have been lost regarding marriage after divorce, many have been driven away from the church and God.

Staying in a Marriage for the Wrong Reasons
“For how do you know, O wife, whether YOU will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether YOU will save your wife?” (1Corinthians 7:16).
The implication is that we can actually continue to stay married for the wrong reasons. The emphasis here is whether YOU will save your spouse. For when we think we can do God’s job to pressure someone to become a Christian or believe the way we believe, we are in grave danger. For NO ONE can come to Jesus “unless the FATHER ...draws Him...” (John 6:44). For we can actually be trying to lead someone to the Lord and be out of God’s will because it may not be OUR place or the right time. (However, we are always to be an example of who God is, and what He stands for; not to be slaves, imprisoned by the threats and or beatings of ungodly men.)
The word “save” also means to deliver, heal, restore to proper order, or to make whole. The idea to save is often found in new marriages where one of the partners “thinks” that they can change the other or cause them to be free of some sort of problem such as drugs, rage, alcohol, or crime. But after much pain they find out it doesn’t normally work that way. It takes God to change a person’s heart and to free them from such things.
The Wuest translation put it this way: For “ONLY as the Lord has assigned to each one his lot [in life], as God has called each one, IN THAT WAY let him be ordering his manner of life...” (1Corinthians 7:17). Many have taken this Scripture to mean that the spouse that wants to walk with God is supposed to submit to the ungodliness of the other spouse. This is foolishness!
The real questions for this Scripture are, “what has the LORD assigned to each of us as our lot in life? As we walk in that assignment, how shall we order our manner of living?” The answer to both of these questions must culminate into this one thing. “Be holy, for I am holy” (1Peter 1:16).
Some have even said that if a wife for instance, is in a bad marriage, whether they’re being abused or however their husband is treating them, that that is their lot from God. This is nothing but foolishness and stupidity in its purest sense. They don’t know it’s the “...GOODNESS OF GOD [that] leads you to repentance” (Romans 2:4). An abusive type of environment in the home is just not good. A healthy home environment is brought about by seeking “...those things which are above, where Christ is...” (Colossians 3:1).
How can a person live a godly life and at the same time submit that life to someone who practices ungodliness? “For either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other...” (Matthew 6:24). You cannot love the Lord your God with all your heart while lowering and yielding yourself and your children to accept, partake and participate in things that the Lord Himself detests.
What has the Lord assigned as our lot in life? Surely it can’t be a life you hate so much you want to die to escape the pain. No! The Scriptures are so powerfully clear. Let’s take a look:
For “...we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: ‘I will dwell in them and walk among them. I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Therefore COME OUT FROM AMONG THEM AND BE SEPARATE, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, and I will receive you! I will be a father to you and you shall be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty. THEREFORE, HAVING THESE PROMISES, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God” (2Corinthians 6:16b-17:1).
If that’s not powerful enough, the Scripture also says to, “Let love be without hypocrisy. ABHOR WHAT IS EVIL. CLING TO WHAT IS GOOD” (Romans 12:9).
How could you not hate evil, and truly love, at the same time? That is hypocritical love. Hypocritical love does not hate evil. It allows evil to dwell beside it in its own home. Love MUST hate evil to be true in itself. Let our love be WITHOUT hypocrisy. Otherwise, it’s not love at all, but bondage. And for one to “cling” to that which is good, one must at the same time separate from that which is evil. As we move closer to that which is good, there is always a moving away from that which is evil. TRUE LOVE ALWAYS HATES EVIL!
It says in Proverbs 3:6, “IN ALL your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.” How can we, in all our ways acknowledge God and receive direction, if we are united to a spouse who does not want to follow God’s ways and doesn’t want us to either? The marriage will produce constant strife. God wants us to live in peace.

See also that Marriage Covenants (Vows) are NOT Undissolvable.

http://www.divorcehope.com/christianremarriageafterdivorce.htm 

Is Adultery Mandatory Grounds For Divorce? No!

The belief and teaching that adultery is always grounds for divorce, is not true! It CAN be grounds for divorce. However, adultery is not a MANDATORY reason for getting a divorce as we shall see.



 Adultery, Grounds for Divorce?
Again, the Son of God confronted the hardness of heart of the religious leaders. This time, they dragged into the temple (the church building) someone’s wife who was caught in the very act of adultery. (I wonder why the man wasn’t brought in, too?) This incident took place in John 8:1-11.
After the accusations and indictments have been hurled out, Jesus said, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first” (John 8:7). Jesus then stooped down again and wrote in the dirt. When He stood up, every one of her accusers were gone, and not a stone was thrown. He said to her, “‘Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?’ She said, ‘No one, Lord’. And Jesus said to her, ‘Neither do I condemn you; GO and sin no more’” (John 8:10-11).
Go where? Go back to her husband and be the kind of wife that God wants her to be. Jesus did not say that adultery was grounds for divorce. He did not even tell her to make it right with her husband, even though she may have been convicted to do just that. But Jesus did say, “Neither do I condemn you; GO AND SIN NO MORE” (John 8:11).
The religious leaders said that she should be stoned to death for adultery, NOT DIVORCED! There were different adultric situations in applying the law to have her stoned. The stoning punishment that they applied was for a man and woman caught in the act, and a “betrothed damsel” — an engaged young lady. This was spelled out in Deuteronomy 22:24 and Leviticus 20:10. It appeared that Jesus applied the law of Numbers 5:11-31 because this woman was “another man’s wife”. In this case the wife was to be taken to the Priest. The curses were pronounced and written down regarding her supposed sinfulness. She was then to drink a certain mixture prepared by the Priest and then to say, “Amen, so be it”. She was then able to leave and the punishment was left up to God according to what was written. This is probably why Jesus was writing in the dirt — the curses of the sin. But Jesus showed mercy. Even though there are consequences, He wanted to forgive and to cleanse.
ADULTERY IS NOT A MANDATORY REASON FOR A DIVORCE. If it were, that would mean that we could, according to Jesus, divorce our spouse if they only committed the act of adultery in their heart. Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘you shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that WHOEVER LOOKS AT A WOMAN TO LUST for her HAS ALREADY COMMITTED ADULTERY WITH HER IN HIS HEART” (Matthew 5:27, 28). If this were the case, every man would probably have been stoned to death.

http://www.divorcehope.com/adulterygroundsfordivorce.htm

God Hates Divorce? Not True!

t's a half-truth that "God hates (ALL) divorce." God Himself calls for divorces. God does not desire His people to be in a bad or wrong marriage. If the couple will do what is necessary to have a godly marriage and friendship, great! Otherwise, divorce and remarriage is a way to get a new start.

 God Hates Marriage?
 
Have you ever heard anyone say, “God hates marriage”? Of course not! Have you ever heard anyone say, “God hates divorce”? Sure we have, especially when they are not the ones faced with that dilemma. The phrase, “God hates divorce” has been used against married couples as a blanket answer to cover all types of marriage problems. As we will find out from God’s Word, that is just not true. Neither is it true that “God hates marriage.” On the contrary, God is the one who instituted marriage between a man and a woman. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).
Even though God instituted marriage, He does not approve of ALL marriages. This can be clearly seen in the lives of the people of Israel written in Ezra, chapter 9 and 10, and Deuteronomy 7:15. In Ezra, God disapproved of the marriages and His judgment was on them until they corrected the situation by divorcing their spouses and even separating from their children that were born from those marriages. In Deuteronomy, God said, “NOR SHALL YOU MAKE MARRIAGES WITH THEM. For they will turn your sons away from following Me” (Deuteronomy 7:3,4). In this situation, God hated these kind of marriages! 

When people say, “God hates divorce” as quoted from Malachi 2:16, normally that has been taught to mean that divorce is not allowed AT ALL. We shall see that this is only a half-truth. In Jeremiah the eighth chapter, Jeremiah mourns over the inhabitants of Jerusalem. The Lord gave them a warning through the prophet in verses 4-22. In verse 5, it says that they were “...in a perpetual backsliding [condition]” and in verse 9 that “...they have rejected the Word of the Lord.” Our wrong motives and attitudes will always reject “the Word of the Lord.”

Because their motives and attitudes toward God and people were so bad, God said in verse 10, “Therefore I WILL GIVE THEIR WIVES TO OTHERS, AND THEIR FIELDS TO THOSE WHO WILL INHERIT THEM.” Notice God’s attitude concerning the marriage. The marriage itself was not first priority, but second. God did not save the marriage, but broke it up because of their continual disobedience. There is a curse that actually comes upon the marriage relationship because of continual disobedience to God (See Deuteronomy 28:30).

DIVORCE ITSELF IS NOT WHAT GOD HATES, BUT THE “WHY,” AND “HOW COME” BEHIND THE DIVORCE.

http://www.divorcehope.com/godhatesmarriage.htm 

Christian Husband Wife Submission - Submit

The key to christian husband wife submission is, to submit to that which is ONLY of the Lord and resisting that which is of the devil.


 Submission To Spouse
Submission to our spouse is never greater than our submission to God. Some people actually think God gives us the liberty to have another god before us. That is just not so (See Exodus 20:3). We must always submit to God first. He knows what decisions to make. As we submit to God and to one another He uses these situations to mature us, to bless us, and to reveal our own weaknesses. This results in our seeking Him all the more. “For when I am weak, THEN I am strong” (2Corinthians 12:10b).

There are all kinds of daily situations where one must submit to another. Husbands and wives need to make decisions daily about certain things. These decisions are not always to separate the good from the evil, but deciding what’s the best thing to do in a particular situation.
For example, we may need a car, but what kind? How much do we spend? These kinds of situations are where we grow together as husband and wife while submitting to one another. We must gain understanding of what kind of car fits our needs so we can make a wise decision. At times it is not always clear which course of action to take. This is where praying together in agreement comes in — seeking Gods heart together. Even though a better automobile may be needed, which one is the right one for us?
Suppose the wife felt in her heart that God said, “THIS car is the one”. But the husband isn’t sure which car to get. What could happen next? The husband could override his wife and say no, or the husband could trust the Lord through his wife and submit to her after they talked it out, even as Abraham submitted to his wife, Sarah (See Genesis 21:12). In these kinds of daily decisions, IT’S BETTER FOR THE HUSBAND AND WIFE TO BE IN AGREEMENT AND SUBMIT TO EACH OTHER EVEN IF IT’S THE WRONG CHOICE. The choice could be wrong because of a lack of knowledge. It is better to submit to each other, instead of not being in agreement, which causes strife. It is God’s heart to make right a wrong situation when the couple is in agreement seeking Him even if they did make the wrong choice. It is God’s heart to make right a wrong situation when the couple is in agreement seeking Him even if they did make the wrong choice. It is better to be in agreement and make a wrong choice with a clean conscience than for one spouse to disagree and make the “right” choice and be in constant strife. “For where envy and self-seeking [strife] exist, CONFUSION AND EVERY EVIL THING ARE THERE” (James 3:16).



Having God's Heart In Submission

When we submit to someone, we are actually submitting to the Christ in them or the satan in them. Let me clarify. In each verse of Scripture we just read concerning submitting to another, there are commands to submit only to that which is of God: That which does not violate the Word of God, our conscience, or that which God has dealt with us about in our own personal lives concerning His purpose for us. When we know we haven’t violated the Word of God, we have a clean conscience and our heart is open and receptive before Him. We know we have then properly submitted, even if the spouse doesn’t agree. We are not to make gods of others in our attitude of submission. God is jealous for that position alone (See Exodus 20:4,5). The Church seems to have forgotten that God doesn’t want us to have any other gods before us, no matter what form they come in, even if they are our husbands and wives.
Many times we are placed in a position where we must submit to the one God has in authority over us. They may be arrogant or belligerent, but this is where we as Christians are called to grow. These times are to teach us humility, to give us opportunity to expand the character of God in us, and to be a visible witness of who and what God is like. God uses all these character defects in us to build more patience, to grow fruits of kindness, to destroy pride and to grow in us all those virtues of Jesus. We do not want to escape these kinds of situations. God wants us to pray our way THROUGH them so WE will be changed. Perhaps then, we may be able to help the one with the speck in their eye (See Matthew 7:3,4)

 http://www.divorcehope.com/husbandwifesubmissionsubmitmarriage.htm

Divorce is NOT sin! It's the motive behind divorce that makes it sin.

Jesus did it all

 

 

 

 

Divorce is NOT sin!
It's the motive behind divorce that makes it sin.

A divorce from a bad marriage is God's love to you. God is for remarriage and wants you to have a good marriage, not a bad marriage! 

 Is it the Method or the Motive Behind the Method?

 
Does God hate divorce because of divorce itself, or does He hate the perverted motive that men use behind this method to save?
There is both a right or wrong motive and attitude behind every action. It is no different with divorce. For example, the tenth commandment says, “You shall not covet...” (Exodus 20:17). Is this something that God hates? Sure it is. But is it the things themselves that we covet that are wrong, such as nice clothes, a good car, a decent place to live, healthy food to eat, or is it the motive that says, “I want what you have?”

Proverbs 6:16-19 mentions things the Lord hates, such as:
“a proud look.” Is it the “look” that’s wrong, or the perverted motive that exalts self behind the look?
“a lying tongue.” Is it the “spoken words” that are bad or the heart motive to cover up truth?
“hands that shed innocent blood.” Is it the “act of self defense” by killing another person, or the manifestation of hate to murder for selfish motive?
“one who sows discord among brethren.” Is it the “sowing of seeds,” or is it that the seeds are seeds of division instead of seeds of unity?
Does God hate divorce when it is used to save one or both of the spouses out of a dying marriage so they can get a new start with Him? Or does God hate divorce when the motive comes from a heart that is self-seeking — wanting to push aside the marriage partner He gave them, for “something better.” (See Malachi 2:11-16)


There is a Divorce that God Approves of and One He Hates

The divorce that God approves of is one of His major surgical procedures to save the people of the marriage (but not necessarily the marriage itself). But it has been turned into something detestable and abhorred. And because of this, many husbands and wives will live life with no joy, dead hearts, and guilt from not divorcing just to save the marriage, but themselves being lost because they were kept from a surgical operation they so desperately needed. 

Instead of attempting to save the people of the marriage, we want to save the marriage, and forget about the ones who make up the marriage. That’s like trying to save a burning building and not caring to rescue the people who work in the building. Do we save the people of the marriage, or do we save the marriage itself for the sake of the marriage? GOD’S FIRST PRIORITY IS THE INDIVIDUAL, AND THEN THE INSTITUTION THESE INDIVIDUAL’S MAKE UP. If we try to save the marriage, we will probably lose the couple. But if we try to save the couple first, we have a very good chance to save the marriage, but more importantly, we will save one or both of the couple. 

When people say, “God hates divorce” as quoted from Malachi 2:16, normally that has been taught to mean that divorce is not allowed AT ALL. We shall see that this is only a half-truth.
In Jeremiah the eighth chapter, Jeremiah mourns over the inhabitants of Jerusalem. The Lord gave them a warning through the prophet in verses 4-22. In verse 5, it says that they were “...in a perpetual backsliding [condition]” and in verse 9 that “...they have rejected the Word of the Lord.” Our wrong motives and attitudes will always reject “the Word of the Lord.”

Because their motives and attitudes toward God and people were so bad, God said in verse 10, “Therefore I WILL GIVE THEIR WIVES TO OTHERS, AND THEIR FIELDS TO THOSE WHO WILL INHERIT THEM.” Notice God’s attitude concerning the marriage. The marriage itself was not first priority, but second. God did not save the marriage, but broke it up because of their continual disobedience. There is a curse that actually comes upon the marriage relationship because of continual disobedience to God. (See Deuteronomy 28:30). 

For He said, “...I will give their wives to OTHERS...” (Jeremiah 8:10a). “Others” means other marriage partners. Remember: GOD’S PRIORITY IS TO SAVE THE PEOPLE OF THE MARRIAGE, NOT NECESSARILY THE MARRIAGE ITSELF. God is the one who broke these marriages up. I believe that the husbands were just as cruel to their wives as they were to the Lord. God didn’t even ask the husbands for a Divorce Certificate. He just had another country come and take over. DIVORCE ITSELF IS NOT WHAT GOD HATES, BUT THE “WHY,” AND “HOW COME” BEHIND THE DIVORCE.


http://www.divorcehope.com/motivebehinddivorce.htm

Which "Divorce" Does God Hate? Does God Really "Hate Divorce"?

A remarriage or to remarry after divorce is the will of God! When God said, "I hate PUTTING AWAY," He NEVER meant divorce, but to SEPARATE. Meaning, divorce was good when needed. God never hated divorce, it was "something" else He hated.



 To Which Situation Did God Say, "I Hate Putting Away (Divorce)?"

We have heard this Scripture: “the Lord God of Israel says that HE HATES DIVORCE” (Malachi 2:16). This is almost always quoted as if God hates all divorces in general. But that’s just not true. We have previously read from the Bible books of Ezra, Nehemiah, Jeremiah, Deuteronomy and 1Corinthians that God is not against divorce. Then why all the confusion concerning why God said that “He hates divorce?” The reason for the confusion is because there are TWO “kinds” of marriages and TWO “divorces” being mentioned in the Malachi 2:11-16 passage.

The “divorces” were not official divorces; they didn’t need to be. They were already previously married and “unofficially” married again. The Hebrew word shalach means “putting away”― a separation, as correctly translated in most Bibles. However, the King James and a number of newer versions have incorrectly translated shalach as to mean: divorce. It never meant divorce and it doesn’t mean divorce. The word was most likely translated as “divorce” to fit what was taught in the church. Shalach is just a common word used throughout the Old Testament which means to: go, separate or to send. That’s it!

So why did God angrily say that He “…hated putting away [a separation]?” “…Because you have not kept My ways [concerning marriage, divorce and remarriage] but have SHOWN PARTIALITY IN THE LAW” (Malachi 2:9). The Law specifically stated that when a man got a divorce from his wife that he was to write “…her a CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE, put it in her hand, AND [shalach] send her out [put her away]…” (Deuteronomy 24:1). God also commanded them not to marry anyone who did not serve him ― who served a foreign god (See Nehemiah 13:25-30).

Instead, men separated from their wives without ever giving them a Certificate of Divorce and then illegally married someone else. This is why the Lord said that they were still “their wife by covenant.” The marriage covenant had never been dissolved by the Divorce Certificate.

“The Lord’s holy institution which He loves...the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth ...[and] SHE [STILL] IS YOUR COMPANION AND YOUR WIFE BY COVENANT. For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce [shalach], [separating without a Certificate of Divorce].... He has [illegally] married the daughter of a foreign god. May the Lord cut off ...the man who does this being awake and aware” (Malachi 2:11,12a,14b,c,16a).

Because these men had remarried illegally ― separated from their wives without giving them a Certificate of Divorce, they were in adultery as Jesus stated: “Furthermore it has been said, “Whoever PUTS AWAY [separates from {apoluo}] his wife, LET HIM GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE. But I say to you that whoever PUTS AWAY [separates and remarries without being divorced from] his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery: and whoever marries a woman who is PUT AWAY [separated without being divorced {apoluo}] commits adultery” (Matthew 5:31-32). (The Lord never forgot about the Malachi incident when He came to earth to redeem lost man).

The Old Testament Hebrew word shalach and the New Testament Greek word apoluo are equivalent which will be discussed later.

Because these disobedient men still had “un-divorced” wives, the Lord did not command them to give their illegal wives a Certificate of Divorce, rather, they simply had to “separate, put them away, [shalach].” SO DID GOD HATE DIVORCE? NO! RATHER, GOD HATED THAT THE HUSBANDS WERE SEPARATING FROM THEIR WIVES WITHOUT GIVING THEM A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE WHICH WOULD ENABLE THEM TO GET REMARRIED. THIS IS WHAT GOD HATES!

The men of Israel were SEPARATING from their wives for self-gratifying reasons. God Himself was a “witness” at their original marriage ceremony which was still in effect. The marriage covenant was never dissolved by a Certificate of Divorce. The men remarried outside their own culture (race) and tribe. God considered the children they bore unholy because of the mixed marriages bringing curses into their families (See Ezra 9:1,2, Nehemiah 13:26-30).

Because of these unauthorized marriages, the Word of God came to Ezra and Nehemiah to have the men and women of Israel who had done this thing, to separate from their spouse and even from their children (See Ezra 9:1, 11-12, 10:3, Nehemiah 13:23-27). In this situation, God’s command was to “put them away, separate yourselves from them!” This was NOT the kind of marriage to which God was saying, “I hate divorce!” He was saying loudly, “Get out of these wrong marriages!”

DIVORCE IS A METHOD TO SEPARATE THE ONE, AND MAKE THEM INTO TWO just as a surgeon’s knife is used to separate the cancerous flesh from the healthy flesh. Both operations are good. Divorce can be used to kill a righteous marriage, just as a surgeon’s knife can be used to kill a healthy person.

The Greek word apoluo: is the equivalent of the Hebrew word: shalach.


There are many critical keys in this book regarding divorce, remarriage, submission, interracial marriage and relationships. Click on Divorce: God's Will? to order.

http://www.divorcehope.com/godhatesdivorce.htm 

The Marriage Institution And The Surgery Of Divorce.

Most of the time divorce is looked at as something terrible. However, there are times when the surgical procedure of divorce is needed to save life. This christian divorce and remarriage book holds the keys from the Bible to release you from the condemnation of man-taught religion. Divorce: God's will? was written from the command of the Lord to set His people free!




 The Marriage Institution
A harmonious marriage between a man and a woman is one of the most beautiful and rewarding experiences one can have. But what happens when that beautiful experience is not so beautiful any longer and the love that was so deep has turned into bitterness of heart and hate? What happens when proper counseling has not brought forth the desired fruit, and the hope of the relationship being restored seems lost? And what happens when our spouse turns their back on God, the only true reconciliator of marriages? Is there still hope after all hope appears to be gone? Yes!
As painful as this may sound when dealing with a marriage, divorcing or “making one into two” is necessary and needed to save and preserve life. To save a person’s life from the destruction of cancer, a surgical separation must take place. To keep our community safe from a known rapist, they must be separated from the community and incarcerated. A rabid animal must be separated so others may not die also. And as painful as it is, there are husbands and wives who are greatly corrupting their spouse and a separation must take place to save and restore them, before both are lost forever..
This book has been written to save those who make up the family, not necessarily to keep a marriage together. The author recognizes that it is priority to save the marriage, but also knows that some marriages are not meant to be saved, and shouldn’t be.
There is a time when the Lord Jesus is our High Priest to bring us together in a marriage; from being two, He makes us one. But there are other times He is our Physician who comes to do surgery as our last resort to bring healing. The surgical procedure of divorce is one of those times.



Who Invented Divorce Anyway?
Divorce and remarriage was never a question with God. For “When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, AND HE WRITES HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE, puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and goes AND BECOMES ANOTHER MAN’S WIFE...” (Deuteronomy 24:1, 2).
And again, “Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you LOOSED FROM A WIFE? Do not seek a wife. BUT EVEN IF YOU DO MARRY, YOU HAVE NOT SINNED” (1 Corinthians 7:27, 28a).
There were times when God forbids His people to divorce. There are two situations in Deuteronomy 22:13-30 where God has REMOVED the right to divorce. This means that when needed, the right to divorce has always been there. In these cases that right was abused, so God revoked it. The first instance was when the husband claimed that his new wife was not a virgin, when in fact, she was proved to be so. Because the husband brought a bad name on her, “...He cannot divorce her all his days” (Deuteronomy 22:19b).
The other case was when a man had sex with a single woman who was a virgin. He must pay a fine [the dowry of a bride] to her family, and by having sex with her he has taken her as his wife and “...[Was not] permitted to divorce her all his days” (Deuteronomy 22:29b). But “if her father utterly refuses to give her to him [the marriage would be cancelled]” Exodus 22:16.


There are many critical keys in this book regarding divorce, remarriage, submission, interracial marriage and relationships. Click on Divorce: God's Will? to order. 

http://www.divorcehope.com/marriageinstitution.htm 

Divorced Christians Who Married Again Are NOT In Adultery! (Adultry)

A christian who needs a divorce and considers remarriage will not be in adultery! Divorce from a bad or unrighteous marriage is a right from God to His children. Christians who were divorced and remarried have been wrongly labeled to be in adultery. It's just not true! 



 They Say We Have A Spouse Yet We're Unmarried
We have been incorrectly taught and blindly believe that once a person is divorced, they somehow still have a spouse. They cannot get married again. This lie is designed to keep people in bondage their entire lives. To see how much your mind has been conditioned, answer the following questions: 

If you were divorced or your spouse was deceased, would you still have a mate? Of course not! Let me ask the same question a different way. If you are a woman and your husband was divorced from you or deceased, would you have a husband? And if you are a man and your wife was divorced from you or deceased, would you have a wife? To seek answers to these simple questions may seem silly, but if we have answered them as “Yes”, that’s what we’ve been taught.

We have been told that a person cannot get married once they have been divorced because their spouse is alive, even though after the divorce they don’t have a spouse; but once that spouse dies, they can then get married. In the case of a woman who has been divorced, it is NOT true that their HUSBAND is alive, but it IS true that their FORMER HUSBAND is alive. To put it another way, we were told that we were “bound” (married) to someone when we weren’t. We were quoted that “a wife is BOUND by law as long as her husband lives [that’s if she has one, but a divorced woman doesn’t have a husband]; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord” (1Corinthians 7:39). 

This isolated Scripture was used as an illustration by the Apostle Paul to give an example of when a person dies; they are no longer under the law. Paul was NOT teaching about divorce.
How then can we accept that we have a spouse when we’re not married? When a person is divorced, they don’t have a husband or wife. This means they are not “bound” to someone. This Scripture is for the person who is MARRIED and wants to marry someone else while they are still married to another. You can’t be married to two people at the same time. If you’re divorced, you CAN get married again BECAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE A HUSBAND OR WIFE.

Simply, you’re single or unmarried, if divorced.

“I say to the UNMARRIED and widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I [the Apostle Paul] am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, LET THEM MARRY. FOR IT IS BETTER TO MARRY THAN TO BURN WITH PASSION” (1Corinthians 7:8,9). Who would “burn with passion” the most: the person who was NEVER married, who never knew a close intimate relationship and the pleasures of sex, or the person who had been married? God knows the power and pull that a sexually intimate relationship has on a person once they are separated from their spouse. That’s why He said concerning prayer and fasting, “Do not deprive one another [sexually] except with consent for a time, that you may give yourself to fasting and prayer; AND COME TOGETHER AGAIN SO THAT SATAN DOES NOT TEMPT YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR LACK OF SELF-CONTROL” (1Corinthians 7:5).

Also see Article: Christian Divorce and Remarriage, The Lost Truth.


There are many critical keys in this book regarding divorce, remarriage, submission, interracial marriage and relationships. Click on Divorce: God's Will? to order.


http://www.divorcehope.com/stillmarriedafterdivorce.htm

The Marriage Institution Is Never Greater Then The Man And Woman Who Make Up The Marriage

Divorce: God's will? so clearly reveals from the Bible that God is for divorce when needed. He doesn't want us to live in a bad marriage. He desires remarriage for us. And we do not let Him down if we have been divorced. This book really is from heaven as the author indicated.


 The Marriage Institution Or The Marriage Partners?
Which is greater in God’s eyes: the marriage or the people of the marriage? The priorities in the Church concerning marriage have been greatly misplaced. We have judged the “marriage institution” to be greater than the couples who make up the marriage.
The institution is never greater than those who make up that institution. A company is only as good as its people. A strong and mighty nation is made up of courageous people who will stand up for what is right under any circumstances. Moreover, a great marriage is great because the couple has a great relationship, and nothing less. An institution is only as great as the relationships that make up that institution.
When a couple no longer has a great relationship, the marriage is no longer great. When we care more about our marriage than our marriage partner, we have misplaced the emphasis of our relationship. Being married does not create a great relationship. But having a great relationship creates a great marriage.
When we are faced with the decision of either saving the institution or the people of the institution, the institution must go! And when we are faced with the decision of either saving a marriage or the people of the marriage, the marriage must go! Whether it be the Sabbath day, a company, the ministry, the nation, or a marriage, the people of these institutions are always more important than the institutions themselves. Always!
If we put the institution first, instead of the people, we lose the vision for the institution. The vision of the people makes the institution what it is. Without a vision, failure and collapse are inevitable. When the dreams for the marriage that are in the heart of the husband and wife go out because of a bad relationship, the marriage is on a collision course with a bad situation. But as long as there is vision for the marriage, the marriage will continue. When a married couple loses the vision for the marriage, which is that joy a person possesses in their heart to spend the rest of their days with their mate, it’s hard to rekindle on their own. However, God is able through willing hearts.


There are many critical keys in this book regarding divorce, remarriage, submission, interracial marriage and relationships

http://www.divorcehope.com/peopleinamarriageinstitution.htm